Cheating Husbands and Learned Helplessness

Why would anyone want to know if they had a cheating husband?

I’ll tell you why. They want to know the truth!

It’s Better To Know Than To Not Know

Maybe that’s you. Maybe you have come to the place where it is better to know than to not know, who is calling your spouse or who is calling your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is better to know the truth than to lie awake, night after night, tossing and turning as you wrestle with the fear of the unknown.

Or maybe you know, in your heart of hearts, that he is cheating. That’s better than not knowing! You can also hire a service such as Are You Cheating to prove your suspicions. Either way, it is better to get everything out in the open than to live in the dark.

The only way to move forward is from a foundation of truth. One Biblical saying is that “The truth can set you free.” Of course, a similar saying can be found in any book of wisdom across all of human existence. Why? Because it’s true. If we never face the truth we are actually moving backward and giving in to fear and hopelessness.Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness is a term that comes from animal psychology that has also been accepted as a part of human psychology. Learned helplessness is “the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation” (Seligman, 1975). The details of the experiments that led to the insight of learned helplessness can be easily found with a Google search. But for the point of this article, allow me to summarize the results in three points:

  1. Research animals (dogs) that were not able to find a way to escape their pain (electric shocks) laid down and gave up. They “learned” their helplessness after trying many times to escape the pain and never succeeding.
  2. Of the dogs that were put in a similar situation later on, but with a way of escape built into the experiment, two-thirds did not even try to escape but laid down and gave up once again.
  3. However, one-third of the dogs that had seemingly learned to be helpless, overcame their helplessness and escaped. They had what researchers called an optimism that was realistic; they were able to perceive the source of the pain as “other than personal, pervasive, or permanent.”

Did you catch that third point? They were able to overcome their past depression and hopelessness to see beyond the current source of their pain and take action–they escaped. They believed (in some dog way) that the pain was not permanent and could come to an end.

In every experiment about learned helplessness, the common element was the subject’s belief about control. If they felt they could gain control, they were able to escape.

How about you? Will you choose action and regain control over your emotions and your future? Will you take a step to either try to save your marriage or at least move on with your life?

Take Action

Which of the two reactions to the doubts, fears, and depression in your life will you choose? Only by taking an action to confront the source of your pain–to know the truth about the future of your marriage–can you get to the other side and escape the agony you are in of not knowing if it can be saved or if it is over.

Take that plunge, find the courage, and seek out the truth. I’ve been where you are! But I found a step-by-step course you and your spouse can go through in the privacy of your own home. It is written by professionals with over 1,000 testimonials of saved marriages to back them up.

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